The Crohnie Apocalypse…

BePreparedNotScaredThere continues to be a lot of coverage (via blogs and most notably YouTube videos) concerning the threat to humanity that is The Zombie Apocalypse.  OK.  Fair enough.  I get that swarming hordes of the undead roaming our lands and devouring everything in sight could kind of mess with an otherwise peachy day.  However, I would like to draw your attention to the more insidious and sinister threat that is already amongst us.  Oh yes dear reader…  If you thought that the impending Zombie Apocalypse was horrifying enough, I can assure you that it pales to insignificance when compared to the sheer, gut wrenching (pun intended) terror that is the Crohnie Apocalypse!!!  It’s here.  It’s in live, glorious colour and it’s not going away any time soon.

Picture the scene…  You are out with friends visiting a local attraction or possibly at a restaurant enjoying a coffee and quick bite to eat.  The sun is shining, faces are smiling and all is well with the world.  And then suddenly, without provocation or warning – boom – stomach cramps, nausea, sudden extreme fatigue or the searing urgency of an impending bowel movement.  Yes indeed – you have just run face first into the Crohnie Apocalypse.  It sucks, it’s not right, it’s not pretty and – sadly – you are up to your neck in IBD symptoms that can make gorgeous George Clooney look like the proverbial dogs breakfast.  (PS:  Sorry George.  I love you really.)

The fact is that given the ever-increasing numbers of newly diagnosed cases of Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) – not to mention the millions of people already living with the disease – it seems only a matter of time before we reach a critical mass.  Hopefully a cure can be found in the not to distant future, but in the meantime it behoves us all to take some basic steps to thwart the heinous symptomatic attacks of the Crohnie Apocalypse.  To that end we can basically group things into a couple of categories – aka: tools and tactics.  I will deal with the “Tools” section first and (provided that Frank ever lets me do a guest post again) the “Tactics” section later on.  The physical IBD tools that you will carry with you on a daily basis will vary from person to person and will largely be dictated by the type, location and severity of your IBD.  In my case I have had surgery (an extended right hemicolectomy) for Crohn’s Disease and have found the following items extremely helpful should I have any issues with the aforementioned Crohnie Apocalypse:

  • Compact roll of toilet paper or disposable pocket hankies.
  • Spare pair of underwear.
  • Anti-bacterial wipes.
  • Medication(s).
  • Small torch/flashlight.
  • Disposable/flushable toilet seat covers.
  • “Can’t Wait” card.
  • Internet enabled mobile/cell phone.

Obviously the above list is neither extensive or exhaustive but it is appropriate to my Crohn’s Disease.  For me, these items are very much an insurance policy.  I would rather have them with me and not need them as opposed to having a flare-up and being without them.  As they say, the Devil is in the detail and I find that carrying these items around in my man-bag affords me a certain level of comfort, is one less thing to worry about and allows me to get on with my day.  I hope that this article proves of use to you and helps prepare you to survive the Crohnie Apocalypse :-)

Editor’s Note: Stephen Dempster is a monthly contributor to our blog. You can find Stephen on Google+ and on his blog Behind the Times. Stephen also is the creator of the Flipboard Magazine: A Little Behind The Times

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